living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
My vagina is officially offended.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
