dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
