He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
