before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
