started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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