I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize