i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
