I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
