i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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