we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
