nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
