wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
