So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
