As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I love you.
Bad choice
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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