yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
