Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
