when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
no more duck duck goose at the bar
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
