this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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