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• (305): View more from Florida

  Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.

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• (502): View more from Kentucky

  I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund

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• (312): View more from Illinois

  All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.

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• (870): View more from Arkansas

  when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.

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• (451): View more from

  Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'

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• (619): View more from California

  What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?

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• (873): View more from

  I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.

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• (302): View more from Delaware

  Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer

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• (209): View more from California

  So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?

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