Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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