Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
