ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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