Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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