Just mADE A PArabola og urine
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
