tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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