What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize