I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
