I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize