Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
