I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
