I just threw up on my dentist
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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