woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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