I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
BRING THE BAGELS
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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