Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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