Well apparently he's into motor boating.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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