let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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