u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
