Four minutes until I can fart!
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
