i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just want nice things and good sex
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
