An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
