Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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