I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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