I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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