I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
