So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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