Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize