dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
