Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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