I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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