She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
