there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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