aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
