make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
