Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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