I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
