My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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