just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
