OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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