people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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