She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
