Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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