I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
