You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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