just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
